Nostalgia

No, I am not feeling nostalgic about anything right now. In fact, I am thinking about the opposite, why I almost never feel nostalgic at all.

Some of my friends, especially one, feel nostalgic about almost everything. Actually, that prompted me to think why I don't. Looking back, I, just like everyone else, had numerous transitional periods of life. Each of them brought me a better life, a better environment, or most importantly, a better me. Naturally, each better always eclipsed its former, the lesser counterpart. I almost always find myself prefer the new, better phases of my life over those where bad, inadequate, inferior, and sometimes even embarrassing pasts were buried in. When it happens, only the very best memories, which is often none, are worth carried over. Call me a loser if you must, but I prefer to leave those unpleasant pasts in the past and pretend that they never happened or that was not me. People would tell me "be positive, see the bright side, it is how you view things that matters", and so on. At least to ensure that their help didn't go in vain, I tried to distort my recollections. Well, the good thing is at the very minimum, their advice helped me during conversations. But, deep down in my true self, I cannot disguise my disdain. So, bygone be bygone, I keep them secret. Over time, people would find out some. Over time, I would divulge some. But, that is better than reliving those bad memories at their fullest.

And, it might seem like a blessing to have each phase always better than its previous, not worse. Well, it is not necessarily so if they came later than when they should have. That mounts additional regret and remorse when I contemplate about my past that my present didn't start earlier. Am I asking for too much? Whatever it is, nostalgia is not really my cup of tea.