Rollarcoaster Ride on Moods

Looking back, I had a chain of rollarcoaster ride mood swings. From "riding along", to "life is a misery", to "a life of should's", to "utter discontentment", to "reflections", to "happy kta", to "rolling on", to "contemplating suicide" (just philosophically), to "compromised plan", to "bored of life", to "religious belief changes", to what now? I am thinking a life without passion, or a life with the passion denied is meaningless. A life in which one is merely responding to what comes by is meaningless. A life composed primarily of "jobs" to earn a tiny fraction of time for what one really enjoys is meaningless. A life of investments which bear fruits that are only to be re-invested is meaningless. A life of should's is meaningless. A life in which one is not true to himself is meaningless. A life one doesn't enjoy is meaningless. A life of defeats so overwhelming that one has to resort to be contented is meaningless. And, well, a life which needs not be meaningful is, of course very obviously, meaningless.

Go out there and just do what you like to do. Fear no consequences, the worst being death. That's what I am telling myself. But, am I listening?